"We're born,
and we die."
~Charlotte
The National
Center
- Cancer: 550, 270
- Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 150, 147
- Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 123,884
- Accidents (unintentional injuries): 108,694
- Diabetes: 72,815
- Alzheimer's disease: 65,829
- Influenza/Pneumonia: 61,472
- Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 42,762
- Septicemia: 33,464
One of the things you can do to help prepare students for death is to be well informed yourself. Familiarize yourself with the plethora of information and support out there for children and their families. Knowing the five stages of grieving is a good first step for you as a teacher. Below is a list of these stages.
- Denial-
(This isn't happening to me!)
- Anger-
(Why is this happening to me?)
- Bargaining-
(I promise I'll be a better person if...)
- Depression-
(I don't care anymore)
- Acceptance-
(I'm ready for whatever comes)
As an example, apply the 5 stages to a traumatic event most all of us have experienced: The Dead Battery! You're going to be late to work so you rush out to your car, place the key in the ignition and turn it on. You hear nothing but a grind; the battery is dead.
- DENIAL --- What's the first thing you do?
You try to start it again! And again. You may check to make sure the
radio, heater, lights, etc. are off and then..., try again.
- ANGER --- "%$@^##& car!", "I should
have junked you years ago." Did you slam your hand on the steering
wheel? I have. "I should just leave you out in the rain and let you
rust."
- BARGAINING --- (realizing that you're
going to be late for work)..., "Oh please car, if you will just start
one more time I promise I'll buy you a brand new battery, get a tune
up, new tires, belts and hoses, and keep you in perfect working
condition.
- DEPRESSION --- "Oh God, what am I going to
do. I'm going to be late for work. I give up. My job is at risk and I
don't really care any more. What's the use".
- ACCEPTANCE --- "Ok. It's dead. Guess I had better call the Auto Club or find another way to work. Time to get on with my day; I'll deal with this later."
Remember, the teacher is one of the most important adults assisting in the grieving process. (Parents who are grieving deeply often have little energy or strength to help their children.) Be assured that if you listen and respond with words or a gentle smile to the feelings expressed by your grieving student(s), you will be doing exactly what is most needed.
They need to feel safe within their world(s). You can make the classroom feel safe by listening with respect to the student's concerns and allowing the students most affected by the death special options. You can also incorporate discussions of safety and health.
Get a helpful list of things to say and not to say to a grieving child as well as more information from FERNSIDE.
It is normal for a grieving child to:
- Imitate behavior of the deceased.
- Want to "appear normal."
- Need to tell the story over and over again.
- Enjoy wearing or holding something of loved one.
- Speak of loved one in the present.
- Tend to worry about health and health of surviving loved ones.
The CRITICAL ConditionsSM
Planning Guide
This planning guide is a discussion tool that uses real-life scenarios
to help people talk about their final health care choices with family
members and record their wishes. This guide will help prepare your
children/students and their families for the inevitable by making them
aware of decisions BEFORE they
arise. You can often find this packet available for free in select
locations in Georgia or you may download it by clicking the link above.
Cochran Funeral Homes
Several funeral homes may offer information to help children understand
death and grieving. This particular funeral home was EXTREMELY helpful
and sent several materials such as a book for children, coloring books,
examples and directions for living wills, and an Emergency Crisis
Guide.
Contacting establishments such as Cochran Funeral Homes may prove to be
helpful in finding more information for your child/student.
The MISS Foundation
The MISS Foundation is a 501 (c) 3, volunteer based organization committed to providing crisis support and long term aid to families after the death of a child from any cause. "What Color is Death Daddy?" is an interactive book for the very young child. Based on a true story.
The MISS Foundation
The MISS Foundation is a 501 (c) 3, volunteer based organization committed to providing crisis support and long term aid to families after the death of a child from any cause. "Kaleidoscope of Grief " is another interactive book for when children experience the death of a loved one.
Parthemore Funeral Home
This funeral home offers grief support as well as information on their personal facilities. Some of their topics include: Helping yourself heal, handling grief during the holidays, unexpected death, death of a spouse, HELPING CHILDREN GRIEVE, and reaching out for help.
Teaching Children about Death and Dying: A Guide for Teachers and Parents
This article is a quick guide to help with children and students dealing with death. This article stresses that, "Helping children understand that death and dying are a part of life can make the experience more understandable."
The Lamson Library
This offers more books for teachers to help their students as well as the students themselves.
Other Grief Resources
This link offers a list of other resources available.
Suggested books to read with your children/students to prepare them for death or help them begin the healing process:
The Tenth Good Thing About BarneyAges:4-8 - A young boy's cat dies and the family has a funeral for him and come up with ten good things about the lost pet.
A Taste of
BlackberriesAges: 4-6 - A Boy's allergic reaction results in his death. His best friend has to face the loss as well as the feeling that he could have done something to help.
Sad
Isn't BadAges: 4-8 - "This book has 14 sections of two to three paragraphs that discuss the various aspects of grief, and the ways people cope with the death of loved ones. Written for a young audience, the material is valuable for all ages."
Bridge
to TerabithiaAges: 9-12 - Two unlikely friends build a secret kingdom that only they share together. Until one day, tragedy strikes their friendship. This book will also have a movie coming in 2007 that can follow the reading of the book.
Sarah, Plain and TallGrades: 3-6 - Siblings grieve the loss of their mother and have to deal with their daddy marrying again.
