The word nigger is one of the lowest forms of name bashing, and yet we use it in our community as though it is an honorary title of "racial" belonging.  The N word is so widely accepted among our race that it is used on every emotional scale from amusement to anger, as well as every institution from family to school.  I have always rejected this word in my private space until I finally decided to publicly affirm my disapproval of its "intra-racial" use.
       One experience in particular forced me to disclose my hidden feelings about the N word and abort my hypocritical acceptance of this word in the presence of my people.  This experience involved a work-related situation in which two sisters were calling each other niggers in the presence of a white co-worker.  The white co-worker was shocked to hear them embrace this word as though it were a friendly expression.  She, the white co-worker, immediately confronted the individual who was called a nigger and said, "so-and-so called you a nigger!" The victim apathetically replied, "so?"  The white co-worker was baffled and continued to argue her case, saying "But she called you a nigger."  The victim immediately cut in and responded with our "double standard explanation" for the use of this word among our race.
       As a former teacher in a large metropolitan city, I heard this word used more frequently within the primary halls of education than any other institution I abide in on a daily basis.  I was surprised when I learned that the word nigger and nigga are perceived differently among some of our youth.  A group of eighth grade students explained to me that the word nigger is the negative racist form of the word and the word nigga is either and endearing way of referring to their peers, or the more "civilized" expression of weaponry.   As I listened further, I discovered that these students adopted this phonetic definition from some of our talented rappers, comedians and filmmakers for examples who promote the N word in their work.  I explained to them that there is nothing acceptable about this word no matter how it's spelled or who is using it.
       I went on to give a historical overview related to its proliferation during post-Civil War Reconstruction based on the documented findings and the essay by Cal Logue, associate professor of speech communication and director of the public communication division at the University of Georgia.  In his essay, "Rhetorical Ridicule of Reconstruction Blacks," Professor Logue argued that after the South lost the Civil War and slavery was abolished, white southerners developed the "nigger campaign" as a way to keep blacks psychologically enslaved.  The nigger campaign was a way to increase the use of the word nigger and convince other whites of the political danger emancipated blacks imposed on the white population as a whole.  According to his documented findings, Professor Logue discovered that these white southerners upheld the nigger campaign in the white community with three mythical assumptions: "blacks were barbaric, immoral, and incapable of self-government."  He continued to state, "The nigger name was a potent force among whites during Reconstruction and has persisted to this day."
       Of course it is quite evident that the legacy of this word lives on today, and I used these historical findings to point out to the students just how successful the nigger campaign was as we can see today through our own internalization of the word.  One student who was adamant in clinging onto this word as her verbal defense stated, "If a boy' calls me a bitch then I call him a nigga - 'cause that's what he is, a nigga!"  When I told her that none of us are niggers, she defiantly shook her head and turned a deaf ear to my words.  There was no way I could erase her internalized attitude of 13 years after giving a historical lecture and literally drawing a "stick-man" diagram, with an arrow pointing to the man's head to emphasize how this word has penetrated our minds to the depths of persuasion.
       The closest I came to accepting the N word as an endearing expression was when I heard a very talented poet recite a poem which received wide acclaim.  This brilliant poet-philosopher, whose work I truly admire, repeatedly injected the N word into his poem as a symbol of ownership, enslavement and spiritual origin.  Giving a Shakespearean-hip hop performance, he suspended my issue with the N word for a brief moment as I became captivated by his talent and the profundity of his words.   Being the genius that he is, he moved me to the point of almost dismissing the fact that the N word was used as a badge of honor.  After his performance was over and I came down, several days later, from my poetic suspension, I reclaimed my conviction and rejected the N word.
       Whether this word flows from the lips of a poetic genius, a friend or a racist person, it is still a dangerous label of which we should not claim ownership.  When I hear phrases such as "my nigga" and “Hey, Niggahh,” I do not find these expressions any less offensive.  They are subtle ways of desensitizing us into further acceptance, which keeps the legacy alive.