Parenting a Student through that first year: Second Semester suggestions
Some suggestions...from the VSU Counseling Center
As a new semester gets underway, you may begin reflecting on all the changes happening within your family since your son or daughter began college. You’ve helped them to deal with first semester homesickness, fitting in, roommate issues, and even financial questions. Winter break has come and gone, and you’ve said another goodbye. Your student is off to begin the second half of their academic year with feelings of general excitement to get back into the hub of University life. Your son or daughter is likely more confident about college this semester than in the Fall, but it is important for parents to keep practicing new skills as guide, coach, and advocate to support students as the journey toward independence continues. While you’re supporting your student, don’t forget to continue to seek help and support for yourself. Take advantage of parent resources and remain open to networking opportunities with other parents.
Here are a few issues that students and parents may encounter during the Spring Semester of college.
- Homesickness……Revisited. Some students may continue coping with the feelings of homesickness from Fall Semester, while others may experience a resurgence of this issue after returning for the Spring Semester. In either case, it’s important for parents to be aware that these feelings are still important and deserve some support. Continue being a great listener and encourage them to take an active part in the University environment. If you feel that more help is needed, encourage your son or daughter to seek out resources through Housing and Residence Life or the Counseling Center.
- Keeping in Touch. When your student left for college last semester, you figured out the best methods of keeping in contact. Cell phones, email, letters, or visits are all common ways that students and parents can maintain contact over distance. Let your student know that keeping in touch is still important to you this semester, but allow them to give you feedback as to what really works for them. Agree together on any changes that need to be made in the routine.
- Old Roles Making a Comeback. After the long winter break, parents and students can sometimes slip back into old roles reminiscent of high school days. Remember that this is a time of transition for both, so a little bit of confusion might take place. Talk together about how each of your roles has undergone changes since your student went to college last semester. Reaffirming areas of responsibility for each and encouraging clear communication on both sides can set the pace for low conflict during this next semester.
- Growing Pains. This next semester may present new challenges for your student to learn important lessons about self and the world they live in. Sometimes you will be able to function as a guide who is able to help them navigate through difficult situations. Other times, they may end up learning “the hard way”. Manage your temptation to go to the rescue in every situation. Value the journey they are on by encouraging them to make choices and understand consequences. Encourage your son or daughter to dialogue with you on the ideas they have to solve problems that may occur.
- Romantic Relationships. Meeting new people and enjoying the company of friends often leads to dating and romance during the college years. This can be an exciting and stressful time for students and for parents. Worries that their student will lose academic focus or that they will face values conflicts can become issues for parents. When your student decides to talk, be a good listener, and encourage them to maintain healthy relationships. You will be viewed as an ally rather than as an enemy. Both parent and student will profit from this ongoing bond. If relationship trouble arises, encourage your student to seek help and support through campus counseling services (www.valdosta.edu/counseling) .
- A Concern That is Beyond A Parent or Student’s Comfort Zone. Students and parents often collaborate to find solutions to problems. This communicates love, support, and respect to a student. When a problem is beyond the scope of your collaborative efforts, or you’re unsure how to guide or support your student, or you have serious concerns regarding their health or safety, encourage them to seek out campus resources that would provide help, support, or valuable information which is relevant to the issue. Knowing what campus resources are available can be very valuable when the need arises.
Additional Resources:
Books
- Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years Karen Levin Coburn, Madge Lawrence Treeger
- Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Guide To The College Years Helen Johnson, C. Schellers-Miller
- When Kids Go To College: A Parents’ Guide to Changing Relationships Barbara Newman, Philip Newman
Website
- College Parents of America http://www.collegeparents.org