2006 Latin Majors A.K.A. LaMas
Name: Drew "That's Just Silly" Boylan
Grade: 12th
School: Marist
Minor: Science
Memorable Quote: "You can't go in the cliffs area, because, I mean, it's cliffs."
Favorite GHP Memory: Zachary Picklesimer in a dress and dancing to "Hips Don't Lie" of course.
Favorite Emperor: Philip the Arab
Favorite Roman Province: Britannia
Bio: Drew Boyland is the not-so-secret alias of a one Drew Boylan. Drew was at first a Portuguese rebel serving under Rachel Cook during 1997. When Zachary Picklesimer captured him, Drew was stripped of his high social status and banished to Brazil. Drew changed his last name and began a small pool cleaning business based out of Rio. After being commissioned to clean the pool of President Fernando Henrique Cardoso, Drew raised enough money to move to England where he met Master McFlyPants of Canterbury. Being trained in the art of dance fighting, Drew "Boyland" has left on a quest to find the elusive Eric Wang to join forces against Zachary Picklesimer and the Church of Purr-Drag who took everything away from him, and his loving wife Sarah, who wears the pants in the relationship. Drew laced up his dancing shoes. "Get ready for this, Picklesimer. It's not going to be like Lisbon. I'm going to finish the job Rachel started."
Name: Beth "Pterodactyl" Caldwell
Grade: 11th
School: Davidson Fine Arts
Minor: Math
Memorable Quote: "Nunc pueri..."
Favorite GHP Memory: Impersonating the boys during Latin class (especially P. Miller)
Favorite place in Rome: The Pantheon, St. Peter's Basilica
Bio: Beth Caldwell was raised by narwhals off the Southern Coast of Alaska. Her days were bright and happy until her narwhal parents were shot by the ignorant Inuit Zachary Picklesimer. Weeping, Beth swore her revenge, and thus set out, bent on Zach's destruction. During the Iberian Campaign of 1997, Beth came mere millimeters away from slaying the man who killed her family. Unfortunately, Zach sneezed before the bullet hit and it missed his brain, but did leave a nasty scrape. This was not enough for Beth. She went off to a monastery in Tibet where she studied the art of ptero-fu. Upon mastering such moves as "The Flying Dactyl" and "Screech of Horror," Beth took to the skies and began her search anew. Teaming up with master assassin Katie Downey in Sao Paulo, Brazil, Beth learned Zach was heading to Valdosta for a top secret mission. She took the harpoon that killed her loving narwhal mother and headed to Valdosta. "Zachary Picklesimer, this is for Nar-mama," she said, and headed to the train station.
Name: Bram Chisholm
Grade: 12th
School: Sequoyah
Minor: Ag Sci
Memorable Quote: "Because Purr-Drag only cares about your feelings..."
Favorite GHP Memory: There's too many but if I had to pick... hanging out on West Lawn.
Favorite Roman Province: Britannia
Favorite Emperor: Domitian
Favorite Sports: Cross Country, Track, and Ping Pong
Favorite Animal: LaMa
Favorite Ice Cream: Double Fudge Brownie
Favorite Food: Pizza
Favorite Channel: ESPN
Favorite College: UGA
Bio: Things never did come easily for Bram Chisholm. Always a minute late, always a buck short, always left wondering- wondering if it was worth all the trouble. He worked twice as hard as the others only to command half of their respect. But let's back up.
A product of the eighties, Bram always questioned his surroundings: "Why don't barks dog at cats?" or "Where does jelly go after it has been canned?"
Bram never did find the answers to these questions, but it didn't deter him. It only fueled him to discover more...more facts, more people, more lands, more... more life. It seemed to him that the world was a place of fancy and galore, a place where people sang and danced the dance of life.
Then it all came crashing down in a single instant. In a single micro-second all seemed to be lost. But through the adversity, through the angst and bitter hatred, through the gray ashes that carpeted the ground, through the slippery blood, he rose like a phoenix. He cawed, "Caw, caw, caaaaaw," out loud, just like a phoenix would. Then he flew away into a setting sun of both burgundy and taupe. He grew in faith, studying may world religions. In a moment of fleeting brilliance, Bram established the Church of Purr-Drag. (The actual event that caused his momentary downfall is insignificant and as such shall not be mentioned in this text.)
Until we meet again Bram Chisholm... until we meet again...
Name: Rachel Cook; "Crustulum"
Grade: I'm a senior. Woot!
School: Brookwood Academy for Highly Intelligent Gifted Students
Minor: Science (Neuro/Cognitive Science and Polymers/Interesting Materials)
Memorable quotes: "Quid est in tuo sacculo?"; "That makes me happy"; "Meh"
Favorite GHP Memory: I think it might have to be the fence incident.
Favorite Lampshade Color: Translucent
Favorite Taste: The air from my vent
Favorite Roommate: Heather (even though we secretly hate each other)
Favorite Hall: Langdale floor three-my honorary hall
Bio: When most people think of Rachel Cook, they immediately remember the 1997 Iberian Campaign. A young Portuguese girl ran out in front of the line of Finnish tanks and gave all the approaching soldiers hugs. That girl wasn't Rachel Cook, but that's what most people think of.
Rachel Cook was actually the leader of the secret Finnish resistance movement in Lisbon. She is assumed to be the one who shot at Zachary Picklesimer on October 12th, 1997. However, Rachel was in fact in Canada at the time, buying cheap DVD's and CD's to raise troop morale. Rachel is one of the higher members in the secretive church of Purr-drag and is thought to be the reason why Zachary Picklesimer left the Finnish Marines. Rachel Cook and Zachary Picklesimer will both publicly deny any allegations of either one having affection for the other, but it does make the story more interesting, wouldn't you say? Rachel was last seen in Buenos Aires selling information to anyone looking for the lost general.
Name: Katie Downey
Grade: 12th
School: Kennesaw Mountain
Minor: Math
Memorable Quote: "----"
Favorite GHP Memory: Those crazy Latin kids
Favorite Food: Chinese and pasta
Favorite Music: Indie, heavy metal, alternative rock, punk
Favorite Hobbies: Running, reading
Favorite Subject: Science (and Latin of course!)
Bio: Katie Downey made most of her money smuggling arms across US borders in the late 1980's for the Purr-Drag church. most notably a magic harpoon gun that was stolen from her outside of Seattle, Washington. The Thief, Patrick Miller, went missing shortly thereafter, most sources said he fled to Europe. Katie had no idea what had happened to the valuable harpoon gun until she met the young Beth Caldwell in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
Beth revealed that the Finnish general Zachary Picklesimer once had possession of the magic harpoon gun, and killed her mother with it. Katie realized then that her fellow cult-member Zachary Picklesimer was the missing link in the chain between her and Patrick Miller. In Buenos Aires, Katie told Rachel of Zach's latest whereabouts. Rachel was last seen selling this information to Ian Nurse.
Katie picked up her cell phone. It was Rachel. "Katie, Look out! Patrick won't be alone!"
She hung up. Nothing was going to stand between her and Patrick Miller this time, not even an old friend...
Name: Allison "Practically Freaking Albino" Helms
Grade: 12th
School: Centennial
Minor: Comm Arts
Memorable Quote: "Eugepae!!!"
Favorite GHP Memory: Guerilla knighting
Favorite Roman Province: Aegyptus
Favorite Senator: Caligula's horse
Favorite Food: Pizza or sushi.
Favorite Superhero: Batman
Favorite Comic: The Sandman
Favorite Roman God: Quirinus
Favorite Norse God: Hel
Favorite Barbarian: Boudica
Bio: Allison was born a coal miner's daughter, Allison never had an easy life. She met Bram Chisholm in Omaha, Nebraska, where she learned the gospel of Purr-drag and became a master in the art of "The Dark Prance" before departing for Finland in 1996. Before the Iberian Campaign of 1997, the Finnish military was completely unaware of the power of "The Dark Prance" and its implications in warfare. Allison demonstrated that on the battlefield, wounding millions--civilian and soldier.
After the campaign, the Finnish government ordered Zachary Picklesimer to march on the church of Purr-Drag and destroy "The Dark Prance" once and for all. Zachary and Allison met in epic combat on May 12, 1999. Neither Zach nor Allison could gain an advantage on the other in straight dance combat. Allison became impatient and attempted to end the showdown with the signature dark move "Steps of Oblivion."
Allison was overconfident in her abilities and lost both her legs. Zachary barely withstood the attack himself, and stumbled into a meadow screaming out in agony. The first person to find him was Bram Chisholm. Bram nursed Zach back to health, and Zach converted to the church of Purr-Drag, learning "The Dark Prance."
Allison, however, needed cybernetic legs fashioned for her. Jennifer Jaeger and her crime syndicate have funded this, in exchange for help in tracking down the syndicate enemy Master McFlyPants. Since that day, Allison has had to begin her training anew and has not only equaled her former self, but surpassed it. Allison wants a chance to revenge the loss of her legs, and the hunt for Master McFlyPants may bring it sooner than she expected.
Name: Jennifer Jaeger
Grade: 12th
School: Peachtree Ridge
Minor: Science
Memorable Quote: "Is Bulgaria a place?"
Bio: Jennifer Jaeger began her life as an orphan. She learned how to live on the streets and became a master of jujitsu. She rose through the ranks and became the boss of an organized crime syndicate based out of her hometown of Sydney, Australia. In 1999, on a vacation to Sicily, she crossed paths with Patrick Miller. Patrick handed her a slip of paper saying simply, "Meet me on the coast at dawn." Patrick didn't show up at dawn. Instead, all Jennifer found was a note saying "7 years" signed by Ian Nurse. After 7 years of long searching, Jennifer tracked down Patrick Miller in the United States. Jennifer rallied her personal bodyguard and departed. She loaded her gun, put on her lipstick and whispered, "I've been waiting 7 years for this, Mr. Miller. 7 years."
Name: Athena "Da Filipina" Lao
Grade: 11th
School: Clarke Central
Minor: Advanced Piano
Memorable Quotes: "That's hot"; "R2, C-3PO, recusate omnia TRRR-AAA-SSHHH COMMM-PAAAAC-TOOORRR!"
Favorite GHP Memory: Elysium, Wang Gang, Certamen, making props for Cabaret…and learning to do laundry (!!!)
Favorite Ancient Cult: Cult of Magna Mater
Favorite Roman Festival: Lupercalia
Favorite Food: Gummy savers!
Favorite Dead Composer: All of them…heh
Favorite Angry Liberal: Ian Nurse
Favorite Asian Gangsta: Eric Wang
Favorite Certamen Captain: Patrick Miller
Favorite Rap Video Dancer: Sarah O'Donohue
Favorite Shakira/Walking One-Liner: Zach Picklesimer
Bio: Athena loves Latin, especially the Aeneid, which she thinks is the hottest nationalist poetry ever. If Athena weren't a LaMa, she would be a Piano Major, because she enjoys playing (or attempting to play) beautiful classical pieces. She also likes singing and dancing at unexpected moments, playing tennis with male Math Majors, and "absorbing" information like world capitals or her chemistry book. She is in no way connected to the cult of Purr-Drag, which might or might not be a good thing...
Name: Patrick "Caesar" Miller
Grade: 11th
School: Marist
Minor: Math
Memorable Quote(s): "Toga est vita"; "I hate you, Grace on fire."; "Salvete omnes…"
Favorite GHP Memory: Certamen, of course, and wearing togas
Favorite Cult: Dance-Fighting
Favorite Roman Citizen: Publius Decius Mus
Favorite GJCL President: Bobby Gibbs
Favorite GJCL VP: Susan Davis
Favorite GJCL Parliamentarian: Balthazar
Favorite GJCL Secretary: Emily Ferrari
Favorite GJCL Historian: Allison Eidson
Favorite GJCL Editor: Margaret DeGrace
Favorite GJCL Host: Bobby Gibbs
Bio: Patrick Miller is secretly Master McFlyPants of Canterbury. He spent the late 80's working for the Jennifer Jaeger crime syndicate under the name "McFly." The Jaeger Syndicate was focused on disrupting a set of arms smugglers led by Katie Downey, and this was Patrick's big assignment. Patrick succeeded in ambushing Downey, but was only able to steal a magic harpoon gun. When INTERPOL began to close in on him, Miller ditched the harpoon in Alaska and snuck away to Newcastle-upon-Tyne. Needless to say, the Jaeger syndicate was less than pleased to see one of their agents leave.
He ran an underground dojo where he trained people in the art of dance fighting. His most famous pupil was Eric Wang. After the critical fight between Bram and Eric, Miller became an enemy of the Purr-Drag church. He moved to Ireland, where he spent the mid 90's refining his technique. It is said since that time he has only undertaken one pupil, Drew. In 1999, Miller went to Sicily to find Ian Nurse, who was chasing the Jaeger Crime Syndicate. Miller convinced Ian to leave INTERPOL, so he could train him in the art of dance fighting, in an attempt to create an army capable of toppling the Purr-drag church. Ian agreed and together the two forged a kidnapping note. Jaeger beat Ryan to the note and has discovered that Miller is still alive.
Now, the time to begin the assault on the leaders of the Purr-drag church has begun, and all the players seem to converge on one spot: Valdosta.
Name: Ian Nurse
Grade: 11th
School: Parkview
Minor: Comm Arts
Memorable Quote(s): That's what my wife calls me..."; "Awkward..."
Favorite GHP Memory: Me
Favorite Jewish Rebel: Eleazer ben 'Yair
Favorite Kosher Food: Matzo ball soup
Favorite Children's Book Bambi, Antichristus
Favorite Person Ever: Me
Favorite Impersonation: God
Favorite Fake Italian:Patrick Miller
Favorite Jobie: Jobie Johnson
Bio: Ian Nurse's story begins before this birth far away, on the plains of North America. The Great Plains! Ian's father was gunned down outside of Omaha by Bram Chisholm. Ian learned of his father's fate and swore his revenge. When Bram Chisholm became wanted for tax evasion and public urination, Ian saw his chance. Ian joined INTERPOL. Patrick spent 7 years training in Ireland in an attempt to take down the Purr-Drag church.
In early 2006, Patrick and Ian decided the best way to find the Purr-Drag church would be to find the Finnish General Zachary Picklesimer. Ian headed to Buenos Aires on a red-eye flight looking for Rachel Cook. He found her in a small cantina where Ian bought information on Zach's location.
Ian picked up his cell phone. It was Patrick. "We've found him, Miller" Ian said, "Meet me in America."
Name: Sarah O'Donohue; "Skirt Lady"; "Odon"
Grade: 12th
School: The Walker School
Minor: Soc Stud
Memorable Quotes: "Vergil is a misogynist!"; "Gare Bear says, 'Drink and live again.'"
Favorite GHP Memory: Basically everything!
Favorite Roman Province: Magna Graecia
Favorite Emperor: Augustus
Favorite Place in Rome: The Vatican
Bio: Born a 27-year-old housewife, Sarah started her life with a family of 4 and a pocket full of dreams. When she discovered knitting, her life turned around. Unfortunately, she only had a limited supply of yarn and could only manage to make a nano-skirt instead of her original goal of mini. She has since battled to bring a greater supply of yarn to underprivileged women worldwide, but to no avail. In protest, Sarah refuses to wear skirts any longer than 1 foot from the knee. At the ripe young age of 50, Sarah decided it was time to retire from her yarn crusades and divorced her husband of 55 years for the pool boy, Drew Boyland, deciding that his rock hard abs and sexy Brazilian accent were more important than having financial security with her husband Philbert, owner of the world's 2nd largest poster-plug emporium, Badger Plugs. She continues her life today in her small Brooklyn apartment with Drew Boyland, who supports the family with money from his pool cleaning company, Boy-Land Dreams. However, in stark contrast to her early life, Sarah now wears the pants in the family.
Name: Zachary Picklesimer
Grade: The Grayson Academy for Advanced Secondary Education in Arts and Sciences
Minor: Comm Arts
Memorable Quote: "It's not the first time I've penetrated the Iberian."
Favorite GHP Memory: Foreign Language Cabaret
Favorite Roman Province: Dacia
Favorite Emperor: Claudius
Favorite Ice Cream: Mint Chocolate Chip
Favorite Romantic Poet: Percy Bysshe Shelly
Bio: Zachary was born into a small Inuit fishing village at the age of 3. He spent his days killing time and shooting narwhals with his magic harpoon gun. One day, Zachary left his home on the Southern Coast of Alaska and went to join the Finnish Marines. Zachary rose quickly through their miniscule ranks and eventually became a 12 star general. Zachary was placed in charge of the Finnish campaign to annex the Iberian Peninsula. When the time for the fatal march on Lisbon had arrived, Zachary was at the front of his Tagis River Strike Force when he was nearly shot by what was thought to be a Portuguese assassin. Zachary arose from the attempt on his life like the mighty Phoenix and joined the church of Purr-drag led by the illustrious Bram Chisholm, whose past had been shrouded in secrecy. Zachary was sent by the Finnish Marines to take over the church, but he abandoned it when he learned the glorious gospel of Purr-drag. Zachary's whereabouts are currently unknown. Some people say the Finnish Marines captured him. Some say he was swallowed up by a pterodactyl. Only one thing is certain- without a body, Zachary is assumed to be alive.
Name: Renee Benish Roesel
Grade: 12th
School: Eastside
Minor: Science
Memorable Quotes: "Heaven forbid"; "Orbis! Recens hilatus nihil refert."; "Luci, recusavisti targeting computer. Est aliquid preversus?"
Favorite GHP Memory: (top 3) Cabaret, pre-cabaret waiting, and the Harry Potter dinner
Favorite Roman Province: Gaul
Favorite Emperor: Claudius
Favorite Latin Author: Ovid
Favorite Roman Location: Elysium of course!
Bio: Renee was born 4 years ago on a cloud bank above the Andes Mountains. In that time, she became an expert on languages, tutored by parrots from around the world. Last year, her cloud suddenly dissipated over Georgia. She has since been stranded here, and the government was ever so kind to allow her to stay in one of their laboratories. The scientists there have been continually amazed by her intelligence, unusual for her age, and her tendency to float up off the ground if she is not anchored for an extended period of time. Her goals for the future are to attend school at the college of her choice after her upcoming senior year of high school, and to learn to fly in time to attend the reunion held by her bird friends three years from now.
Name: Ryan "The Man" Salensky
Grade: 12th
School: Sequoyah
Minor: Ag Sci
Memorable Quote: "MINIME!!! IMPOSIBLE EST!!!"
Favorite GHP Memory: Fighting with light sabers during Cabaret
Favorite Sport: Football (not futbol)
Favorite Emperor: Caligula
Favorite Food: Maine lobster
Favorite Celebrity: Angelina Jolie
Favorite Person: Zach Picklesimer
Bio: Most people have never heard of Ryan, and he prefers it this way. Having been a member of INTERPOL for the last 25 years, Ryan is a hardened law officer. In 1999, he and his fledgling partner Ian Nurse came within inches of capturing the criminal mastermind of Jennifer Jaeger. Ian went rogue at the last minute and ran away with the only living witness of Jenn outside of her syndicate. Ryan has been monitoring her phone calls and e-mails and discovered Jennifer's next location. Ryan has been looking to retire from the force and has decided that this will be his last catch before he retires to a quiet life. Ryan packed up his handcuffs and headed to the airport. "I'm sorry Ian, I really am." He wiped the lone tear from his eye and caught the next cab to the airport.
Name: Michael "Scotty" Scott
Grade: 12th
School: Westminster Schools of Augusta
Minor: Math
Memorable Quote: "Ablativus est, non dativus, stulte! Eheu!"
Favorite GHP Memory: My birthday.
Favorite Roman Province: Aegyptus
Favorite Emperor: Imperator Caesar Marcus Aurelius Antoninus Augustus
Favorite Cheese: Swiss
Favorite Color: Green
Bio: Michael was once quoted as saying, "I'm not gonna lie to you, I'm a pretty cool guy. I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. But seriously, I'm very outgoing and easily approachable, and if one respects me to some degree, I can be a pretty nice guy. There's little I won't say aloud. I'm a scientist at heart--mathematics and science just come naturally to me--but for whatever reason, I'm good with language, too. I like to write a lot, mostly fantasy or colloquial humor essays, and I tend to be very expressive. Did I mention I'm humble, too? (Insert laugh) I love meeting new people, so...yeah. Finem!
Michael Scott's Story begins in Soho. He was a jazz musician who needed money to fund a new saxophone purchase. Michael sought funds from the Jennifer Jaeger crime syndicate in exchange for a favor. The syndicate asked Michael to kill skirt mogul Sarah O'Donohue in the mid 1990's. When the attempt failed, Michael fled to Brazil.
He fled to Sao Paulo, Brazil and found God--I mean, Purr-Drag. Since that fateful day, Michael has been searching for Bram Chisholm, wishing to study more of the glorious gospel of Purr-Drag. When the time for Eric and Bram to fight came in late May of 1999, Michael Scott was there. Following the match, Scott followed Bram back to the temple, where he met the wounded Zachary Picklesimer, and since then Michael and Bram have since traveled in secrecy, mastering the dark side of dance fighting: "The Dark Prance!"
"The time has come, Michael," Bram said. "We're going to join up with Rachel and Zachary and begin our plan to take over the world."
"But where do we go?" Michael asked, puzzled.
"Valdosta," Bram replied.
Name: Eric Wang; "WANG"
Grade: 12th
School: Peachtree Ridge
Minor: Science
Memorable Quote: "Quid Scis de Iste?"
Favorite GHP Memory: GHP
Favorite Roman Province: Karthago
Favorite Emperor: Augustus
Favorite Place in Rome: The Vatican, Forum Romanum
Bio: Eric Wang is probably better known by his stage name "The Gliding Gazelle." A world-renowned dancing superstar, Eric Wang got his start in dance fights on the mean streets of Newcastle-upon-Tyne, England. The Gazelle was infamous for his high-flying acrobatic moves which he learned from his teacher, Master McFlyPants of Canterbury. After royally clowning Bram Chisholm in a dance fight that left Bram crippled, The Gazelle became an enemy of the church of Purr-drag. Eric Wang is currently hiding underground refining his techniques and going to sleep every night not knowing if he's going to wake up the next morning.